in this article is an imaginary character that the writer has built via observation and imagination.
I am fine. All’s well. I keep repeating to myself, building up the confidence. I am not the first person to not have her father at the graduation. “I wish he was dead, so I wouldn’t have to make up an excuse for his absence”, I texted my boyfriend last night.
You must be wondering, what kind of a daughter would wish death upon her father? Well, the kind who never had a father.
It's been like this since day one.
My father is a retired marine navy corp. and was the most successful officer of his time. He spent most of his life fighting away the bad guys. Who would have thought he would become a bad guy in his daughter’s books. He never wanted a child to love and nurture, just someone to carry on his legacy. Well, long story short, he wanted a dude but got a chick. The gamble seemed too heavy for him, so he didn’t even try for another chance at the legacy. He brought a whole human into the world and started resenting it from day one
This wasn't always my reality.
Childhood days were easy. He was gone for months and when he came, he brought gifts that he complimentary received. It’s hard to sense resentment when a person’s only contact with you is chocolates or the long holiday trips on the cruise. Looking back on those days, I felt lucky, free and for the most part, loved!
The day I knew.
I was seven, I think. We had gone for Diwali shopping. Mummy wanted for me to go for the usual top and pants. But I, under the influence of Kareena Kapoor’s ‘bole chudiyan’ dress, went straight to the lengha chunri section and started picking out vibrant and colourful fabrics. My mother’s face started turning blue with nervousness, something I didn’t know I was going to see a lot in the coming years. The moment I stepped out of the changing room and caught my father’s eye, everything changed.
He stormed out of the place with an anger I had never seen and a disappointment no child should bear. What’s wrong? I signaled at my mother and was responded with her taking me back to the changing room and undressing me immediately. None of my parents ate that night, as I was already full by the MacDonald’s.
I added everything.
So, years did the one thing they knew how to do: they passed. And things started becoming clearer than a mirror. At first, I thought, my father, a liberal progressive army general, didn’t like girls. He must be a sexist. Okay, I used to think. He doesn’t like girls because they are a burden. I used to watch T.V. show Balika Vadhu every day and was pretty much convinced my father’s mentality was similar to that of those characters. It’s easier to accept the course of fate than to make an effort in changing your circumstances. But, I wasn’t that lucky. And it didn’t take to genius to figure out the issue of the core. He has no problem with girls and was stable enough to handle the ‘burden’. His problem was bigger than what a 14-year-old can handle.