Psychologists Explain 6 Ways to Make Your Marriage Happier, Global : Today Indya

Psychologists Explain 6 Ways to Make Your Marriage Happier

Global

powerofpositivity

Living happily ever after in a marriage isn’t always so simple and perpetually filled with happiness, as couples have to make an effort for their relationship to last for the long term. We all agree that in any relationship there will be some deal-breakers and compromises that need to be made. Nothing is ever perfect! Having said that, couples in a successful marriage know how to improve and tolerate, persuade and influence their better halves – a sure-fire recipe for a happier marriage.

Psychologists Explain 6 Ways to Make Your Marriage Happier

PSYCHOLOGY EXPLAINS 6 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE HAPPIER:

“Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset.” – Ann Landers

1. USE THE RIGHT WORDS AND DEVICES OF PERSUASION CAREFULLY.

You’d like your husband to try out a new diet because you’re concerned about his health, but he’s not a fan of diets. You want your wife to take a vacation with her girlfriends because she’s too stressed at work and it’s affecting your home life, but she declines. So, how can you convince your spouse to do something they might not like to do? According to psychiatric nurse Allison Sweet-Grant via Redbook, you can try to change their mind by choosing the right words or devising subtle hints to elicit positive reactions.

Start by making small requests if they are resistant to make big changes. Persuade by hinting that certain people you know are doing the Keto diet successfully. Or make casual comments about this couple you know who take separate but enriching vacations.

These psychological tricks might seem manipulative. However, Grant said that if you want what’s best for your loved one or you know a change will be good for them, then convincing them to try something new isn’t a deception nor a manipulation.

2. FOCUS ON POSITIVE THINKING AND POSITIVE THINGS.

Many arguments between couples arise from differences in values, personality, lifestyle, and background. So, even if a wife tries hard year after year to change her husband, it might likely never happen.

A study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed that if your main focus in the marriage is in trying to change your spouse, then you could end up becoming dissatisfied and unhappy with each other. The better way is to focus on your partner’s positive traits and characteristics. Improve on these rather than trying to correct and change the behavior that annoys you.

According to psychologist Dr. Ted Houston, couples in a happy marriage know how to resolve conflicts and differences. More than that, however, their main focus is to perpetuate positivity in their relationship, as per Psychology Today.

3. EXPERIENCE EXCITING THINGS TOGETHER.

Up for a date night? Ditch the pleasant and romantic candlelight dinners. Instead, do something adventurous and exciting. A study from 1993 followed couples for 10 weeks as they went on pleasant and exciting date nights. Couples who did novel and stimulating things together manifested more marital satisfaction compared to couples who shared activities that they’ve done many times before.

Spending time together won’t be enough, as you need to be engaged with each other to strengthen your bond. So, if you’ve been wining and dining to romantic music on most weekends, why not organize a trivia or game night with some of your friends, or register for a ballroom dancing class next time?

4. DIAL DOWN ON THE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

Everyone has expectations in relationships but those who feel that the best marriages should be magical, with elements of fairy tales, are doomed to be disillusioned. Bringing magic into a marriage is not solely about intense emotions, passion, and romance; it takes a lot of effort and work to keep that spark alive.

If you hold on to unrealistic expectations and use them as the basis for judging your partner’s actions, then you could be disappointed if he or she does not meet your standards. How often have you heard that unmet expectations cause problems in the marriage?

In long-term marriages, couples evolve from being lovers to comfortable companions, so it’s natural to lose that spark eventually. Your expectations from each other should not only be realistic but also flexible. Happiness will not be elusive if you acknowledge this in your relationship.

This isn’t to say, however, that you should not have expectations from each other since there’s no such thing as an unconditional love in a marriage. There are boundaries you’re expected to uphold. For instance, you can’t cheat on your partner over and over and expect forgiveness each time.

5. MAKE ROOM FOR YOUR OWN INTERESTS AND PURSUITS.

When the relationship is new, couples only have eyes and time for each other. However, if your activities are centered on just the two of you after two years of marriage, then it’s no longer a healthy passion.

You need to make room for other things or people in your life, even if you’re married. It’s a good thing when couples find something to do together to connect. Even greater, however, is pursuing your own interests with other people. It’s for your own growth and development. In life, you never stop learning and discovering things about yourself. You won’t be able to do this if everything revolves around your spouse.

6. ALWAYS SHOW APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE.

Showing gratitude is one of the most important elements of a happy marriage and it goes beyond saying “thank you” to your partner. You should specifically express your appreciation in words and deeds to affirm how you really feel. For instance, if you received a gift from your husband, you can also compliment him for being so thoughtful and generous.

A study from psychologists at the University of Georgia showed that couples who openly express and reciprocate their gratitude for each other have fewer arguments and higher marital satisfaction. Another study from experts at Berkeley stated that gratitude is a like a booster shot for long-lasting happy marriages.

FINAL THOUGHTS

All marriages go through rough patches. While some end up in divorce, plenty of couples manage to remain happy together after the challenges and trials. By following these tips and putting effort into your marriage, you’ll reap the rewards of a successful marriage.

Article Original Source : https://www.powerofpositivity.com/6-ways-to-make-your-marriage-happier/

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'Chose to Stay Trapped in Abusive Marriage': Reham Khan Explains Why Her Book is Not About Imran Khan

Global

news18

While the book is most certainly a detailed, unforgiving portrayal of what goes on in Imran Khan’s life away from the public eye, it’s not just that.

Reham Khan, the person, is extremely likeable. She’s affable, effusive, forthcoming and self-deprecating. She peppers information and anecdotes with jokes and laughter. It’s tough not to be charmed by her. But it’s tougher to arrive at one-word or even one-line description for her, or even her recently released self-titled memoir.

But no matter what you make of her or her literary foray, one thing becomes increasingly clear within even one cursory conversation with her: the book doesn’t quite do justice to the person. The book is self-indulgent, the woman I spoke to several times in the days leading up to the official book launch is not.

In the course of our conversations, Reham emphasises, several times, that the book is not a tell-all about her famous second husband — the current Prime Minister of Pakistan, Imran Khan.

“In so many ways, it’s a story about all women, everywhere. It’s a story about how we women act like blind fools when we’re in love. How we make excuses about the men in our lives, and keep giving them chances no matter what they do,” says the 45-year-old British-Pakistani journalist.

“My story is about the pervasive power of conditioning. Despite being an educated, free-thinking woman, I was so desperate to please my mother, both as a child and as an adult, that I chose to stay trapped in an abusive marriage for 13 long years. The idea of being divorced was a matter of such shame that for a long, long time, I didn’t even consider it. Being miserable was easier.”

Reham’s assertion is partly true. While the book is most certainly a detailed, unforgiving portrayal of what goes on in Imran Khan’s life away from the public eye and the camera’s glare. But it’s not just that.

For the first 200-odd pages, there is little or no mention of Imran Khan. Ironically, they make for the most arresting reading, easily drawing the reader into her world and making them empathise with what seems like a hopeless situation.

In the first half of the book, Reham details her early childhood in liberal Libya. As the unexpected and much younger third child of expat parents, hers was a life of luxury and indulgence, along with a Western education. She talks about her independent streak and free-spirited nature, even as a toddler, and how everything about her personality was at odds with the conservative Pakistani culture when the family suddenly moves back home. Reham’s prose is quietly proud as she describes how she understood and connected with her Pashtun origins.

But the real meat of the book is in the way she describes her reportedly emotionally and physically abusive 13-year-long marriage with first cousin Ejaz Rehman, and the transformation of a doe-eyed, 19-year-old bride into a mother of three who finally finds the courage to call the cops on her “respectable” doctor husband to protect her son and two young daughters.

“Everyone asks me about Imran while talking to me about the book, but almost half the book is devoted to talking about domestic and sexual abuse in marriages, and the impact it can have on the partner going through the abuse. I talk at length about being a single parent even while being married, and desperately keeping up appearances for the sake of so-called “respectability”. But no one dwells on that,” Reham rues.

That part is true. She truly sinks her teeth into the parts describing the loneliness of a woman as she struggles to protect her children in a hostile home environment — penniless and in a country without any family or friends (the couple lived in the UK) — until finally, one day, after more than a decade of moving houses and countries on the whims and fancies of her paranoid husband, she decides she has finally had enough.

But the empathy and emotion she evokes dissipate rapidly as the memoir suddenly jerks into a narrative that reads as if it came straight out of the pages of a banal romance, instead of the introspective memoir of an intelligent woman.

Reham painstakingly describes how she crossed paths with Imran several times in her capacity as a journalist, and his cringe-inducing attempts to win the affections of her and her three children. Despite her own better judgement and her family’s counsel, Reham finds herself secretly marrying Pakistan’s favourite 'bad boy'.

The marriage lasted only 10 months, but was doomed from the get-go, if Reham’s exhaustive descriptions of Imran’s bewildering world and his vices are to be taken at face value. She speaks at length about his sexual perversions and substance abuse, and her many shocks as she stumbles across proof of his many indiscretions and uncontrolled drug and drinking habit.

“It was a bizarre life. It was all sex, drugs and rock n’ roll… Imran would even boast of a threesome with a famous star that he really wanted to replicate with me. He went as far as suggesting going to a discreet place like Hong Kong where no one would recognise him… His stories had a terrifying effect on me,” writes Reham.

Excerpts from the book, leaked several weeks before the book’s release, paint a similar salacious picture. They talk about Imran’s illegitimate children (five, according to the book) with married women, his superstitious nature, and belief in black magic. One particularly eyebrow-raising account talked about how Imran rubbed black lentils on his genitals to thwart the effects of some black magic performed on him. The book is filled with shocking revelations of an equally salacious nature.

“On the one hand all these things were happening around me, and on the other, I was saying things like, ‘Mera shauhar hi mera zevar hai’ (my husband is my jewellery) to the press,” she laughs. “Love really does make us take leave of our senses.”

Reham Khan pulls no punches as she analyses and tears down everything to do with Imran Khan: his violent marriage to Jemima Goldsmith, awful relationship with his sisters, fascist politics, misogynistic beliefs, lack of principles, ignorance of the Quran, and sycophantic bootlickers; but casts a rather benevolent eye on her own place in the circus. He is irredeemable, but she is above reproach; an innocent bystander watching the drama play out in wide-eyed shock, curiously unaffected by all the power and wealth at her dispoasal.

Believe that, if you will. And if you don’t, read the book for its meaty first half, and entertaining, if harsh, second.

Article Original Source : https://www.news18.com/news/buzz/i-chose-to-stay-trapped-in-an-abusive-marr...