Let’s face it: the human condition has never been a utopia where everyone is unfailingly kind, thoughtful, and respectful.
It’s Nothing New
There have always been and there will always be mean, rude, and disrespectful people.
Even the Greek philosophers complained of the problem two thousand or so years ago – Plato famously ranted about the ill-mannered and disrespectful behavior of youths.
Generally, it’s up to us (hopefully) more measured and reasonable individuals to tolerate what we view as unacceptable behavior or to respond, for better or worse, in whatever way seems right in the circumstances.
When I’m feeling generous, I try to imagine the person who has just shouted rudely and unnecessarily at me, or has irritated me by cutting into a long line of patiently waiting people, as a toddler or a child.
I wonder what stimuli they must have encountered to turn them into aggressive and unpleasant adults who seem to think that good manners died out with the dodo.
(When I’m feeling more feisty, I’ll admit my reaction is somewhat different and less tolerant… well, nobody’s perfect!)
Rudeness Is On The Rise
Some 79% of Americans say that a lack of respect is a serious problem while 60% think that rude behavior is on the rise.
This seems like an epidemic, with one act of rudeness inspiring another and ultimately creating a spiral of rudeness.
Imagine this scenario: Someone is annoyed by a rude driver who cuts them up on their way to work. That person walks into the office to be greeted cheerily by a colleague, but can only complain about the rude driver.
In turn, the co-worker takes this as a personal slight and becomes irritated, ultimately taking it out on the next person arriving at work. That third person responds to the hurt by being grumpy and rude.
And so the cycle of rudeness marches ever onward, thanks to the action of that inconsiderate driver.
7 Root Causes Of Rudeness
Although the frustrations and stresses of modern day life are clearly a factor, there are many influences and conditions that cause people to be rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate.
Let’s take a more analytical approach and consider if there could be more than just our frenetic 21st century lifestyle behind the rise in rudeness.
What are some other possible causes?
1. Low Self-esteem
A careful observation of many rude individuals will reveal that they are deeply insecure, with low self-confidence and a lack of understanding about human behavior.
As the Brazilian novelist Paul Coelho sagely observed: “How people treat others is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.”
If a person regards herself/himself in a constantly negative and critical light, that attitude is bound to affect the way they regard others.
People with low self-esteem often mask their own insecurities by flexing their verbal muscles, being rude and boorish, in an attempt to make themselves feel strong.
2. Personal Problems
None of us are immune to feeling stress related to our close relationships, our work, or to any number of other factors.
No matter how well we think we’re handling personal crap, there are times when our frustrations and anger make us lash out verbally in situations we’d normally sail through with a smile.
In this case, it’s worth remembering that WE are the ones who are being rude or mean.
When we’re under such strain, it’s easy to act before thinking and do or say things which are at best impolite and at worst actively rude.
That’s a good reason to cut others some slack when you feel offended by their rude behavior. You just never know what current events are playing out in others’ lives at any time.
3. Learned Behavior
No two value systems in families and upbringings are the same. If you were brought up in a home environment where harsh words were the norm and it wasn’t unusual for objects to be thrown around in anger, clearly you’d see that as acceptable behavior.
And, of course, it can and does get way worse than that. Living on the edge has become internalized for these people and, as a result, they respond accordingly when they are enraged by others.
These people just do not know any better, not having been exposed to any other way of handling stress.
4. Personality Disorders
Such negative and anger-ridden childhood experiences as those described above can lead to the development of actual personality disorders and ultimately to behavior which is seen as mean, rude, or disrespectful.
Hardly surprising when socially acceptable boundaries for human interaction haven’t been hard-wired during impressionable years.
Those with conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder often appear rude or inconsiderate due to a lack of empathy and a tendency to disregard others’ feelings.
5. Cultural Differences
In our multi-cultural, ever-shrinking world, where we constantly rub shoulders with people from other countries governed by a totally different set of values and etiquette, this is more important than we might think.
What’s thought to be rude and unacceptable behavior in one culture might be encouraged in another.
German people, for example, have no qualms about speaking their mind, whereas the British will beat around the bush endlessly rather than say what they think.
To the British, then, a straight-talking German is rude and insulting, whereas the German will be flummoxed by the British approach.
6. ‘Brain Strain’ Caused By Technology Overload
Undoubtedly, the rapid rise of digital data and technology has led to an exponential increase in the pace of life.
Juggling mobile phones, the insistent and oh-so-hard-to-ignore demands of social media, and the online information explosion leaves people bombarded with constant demands on their attention that didn’t exist as little as 15 years ago.
This relentless activity, with its urgent requirement for immediate action, can create ‘brain strain’ (not an actual clinical diagnosis!), leading to anxiety and stress, and, in turn, to aggravation and aggressive behavior.
People are overloaded and overwhelmed and politeness has been sacrificed on the altar of technology.